Monday, April 9, 2012

It's so easy - all you have to do is fall in love.

I've been out of the game of love for quite some time now. I'm not quite sure why or what happened. It might have to do with my depression. Or it might not.

I often feel like I'm a bit different. Alright - that's an understatement. I am different.
I'm very far from your cliché woman. But I'm not a sporty tomboy cliché either. I'm just myself.

In my experience guys like clichés. Maybe everyone does.
But I think, as much as they complain about it, most guys actually want a woman who takes ages in the bathroom, who bitches at them, who spends large amounts of money on shoes, clothes and make-up. If she's bitching about something, she'll get chocolate or flowers - doesn't sound like punishment, does it?
So, there's not a lot of men who'd be interested in me. Even less with me having gained some weight, I guess. Also, I'm getting older, and many men my age are already in a relationship. So, the fish in the sea are getting less.

At the same time, I'm not interested in most men.
I'm not really sure whether that's a good thing or not. I don't think I'm asexual.
Of course I might have high standards. I don't know. I'd want someone who has about my level of intelligence. I guess that rules out the majority of people...
Sometimes I worry that I might have a case of ephebophilia. On the other hand, I don't think that's it. But I think that there's something about young men that I find attractive, and that is harder to find when they're older. I can't quite put my finger on it, though. Maybe a lack of adjustment to general society? Or maybe a more androgynous body frame?

Sometimes I think about one night stands.
While I wouldn't have a moral problem with it, I just can't seem to be able to do it. Maybe because I'm afraid. I didn't have very many opportunities either. It seems like only British men are interested in me like that - I only ever got offers in England or Ireland. And on these occasions I wasn't interested.

It's all just one big mess, and I can't see a way to find out of it.

Or maybe I just fail at relationships.

This blog post's title is taken from "Play the Game" by Queen.

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