Finished

So my four year college course came to an end on Wednesday. We had an oral, in which I was placed with the external examiner, and he grilled me on questions that were far harder than anyone had expected. I found myself having to say 'I don't know' quite a lot, and the worst thing was that he had a copy of my thesis to hand, and was asking specific questions about the experiments that I hadn't prepared. I left it feeling pretty dejected.

Then a five hour wait until the results. We went for lunch, drank some beer in the bar, joked around, anything to take the minds off it. It was only on the long walk back to the department that the panic began to set in. This was the culmination of everything I'd worked for. If I didn't get a 2:1 I'd never be able to go to postgrad med-school. It was scary to say the least.

I was one of the first ones into the office, was handed my letter and opened it there and then. 1:1. First-class honours. Fucking delighted. But that wasn't all; in my relief I neglected to read the second line: First in the denominated class.

It still hasn't sunk in yet; it's more than I ever dared hope for. I feel so intellectually validated and vindicated now. This, coupled to my GAMSAT score, makes me very, very content. I'm going to medschool. I've even picked out my stethoscope on amazon here. Pretty cheap, but came second in this review of acoustics for a fraction of the price of the leader: here

So this is my last summer, and I'm gonna enjoy it. Going to go travelling, have friends considering asia for a month, headed over to France for a bit, lots of XBox to play (an entire year without it; I knew it would only scupper me if I had it sitting around). Lots of piano to be played. Myself and Romeo have a 12-week gym schedule set out, one I desperately need as I undid all the good I'd achieved before Christmas with study comfort eating.

And the study will continue: I can't afford to let my grasp slip. I'm hoping to get a broad idea of physiology too before summer's out, so I'll have two of the major diciplines accounted for.

But it should be pretty fun all told. Read more on this article...

I love her.

She comes in once a week. The time in which she rolls in on her wheelchair is never the same, but it’s always a Thursday. Her warm presence separates her from every other customer. She is always smiling. She is always full of life. And I admire her for that.

I know her shopping list like the back of my hand by now. I know she always buys two packs of milk, pastrami, bread of the week, dried fruit, a tv-guide and a couple oranges or apples. Sometimes she even likes to treat herself to a moist cake for 19,90 kronors. But only when she can get her hands on a newly baked one. “I settle only for the best” she says with a heart-warming smile. We exchange a couple frases and pleasantries every time. Sometimes we even chat for a minute or two if there’s no one else in line. I’ve come to look forward to those simple meetings. How she always lifts my spirit; how she does it with such ease.

And I love her. Read more on this article...

An unhealthy relationship

At home. I’m staring at the glowing computer screen in the darkness of my newly decorated room. Rocking back and forth on my chair, covered in cold sweat. Muttering “oh god” to myself.

A month ago I joined this Swedish auction site called Tradera. I joined purely out of boredom. I thought it would be a fun thing, checking out some interesting auctions, following bidding wars on exclusive items, see how much some fools would be willing to pay for an autographed baseball.

Now it has taken over my life. I’m abusing it. I’m bidding on things to the left and right. Mostly on useless things – things that would neither serve to entertain me nor be of any use to me. But that doesn’t matter; all that matters is the rush I get from placing the highest bid. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel rich! But then I get this icy chill down my spine and I think to myself: “What have I done?”. Overwhelming feelings of regret, emptiness and shame wash over me, much like post-masturbation.

I often find myself looking at my page and realising that I’ve the highest bid on several different items that I don’t really want. And I pray that some kind soul would overbid me before the auction ends. I try to distract myself by visiting other sites, but it’s all futile resistance. Soon I’m back again, bidding on yet another useless piece of crap, feeling disgusted by my lack of self-discipline.

This has turned into quite an unhealthy relationship, huh? Read more on this article...

Good morning!

I lie in bed looking at the cracks in the ceiling. I follow them from corner to corner. Choke an impulse to shout at a dog barking outside. I glance to my left and let my eyes rest on your placid figure. I watch as the morning sun gently brushes your back. I turn my eyes to the cracks again. Get up and sit on the edge. I look at the naked wood floor and take my first step without any sound being made. I pick up my mountain of clothes from the floor and start sneaking out. Not a sound echoes in the bedroom. I know this floor; I know where it creaks and I know where it squeaks. I can beat it. I carefully take a few steps and look back at the still figure lying on the bed. I'm terrified. I am Robin Hood and she is prince John in her comfortable slumber. Take a few more steps and then it happens. My phone drops from the pocket of my jeans. I know I've lost. Prince John wakes up. "Cut it out", she clears her throat and shifts position. I quickly take a few more steps and just before I close the door I say: "Good morning!". Read more on this article...

March

So! March has been a great month in many ways to me. I find myself smiling a smile that reaches my ears when I think back on this month. Lots of good things have happened. New and exciting things. Things that I was too afraid to hope for before have become a reality. And I feel good! Better than I have felt in a long while. Things are finally going my way, for the most part; I'm riding the wave of success, if you will. But I try not to think about it too much, in fear of jinxing it.

First of, I got my drivers license after passing both the written and practical test in one go. Very impressive, I think. Most of the people I know who've got a drivers license didn't pass either of the tests on their first time. And I've had to smear this piece of information in their faces, subtly hinting that I am superior. Luckily my friends are blessed with such kind hearts that they let me do it without feeling the need to point out how long it actually took me to get my license.

I've also met a few new and interesting people. One whom I've really taken a liking to. Together we've done some funny and exciting things. We've been to a reggae festival here among a few other events. The atmosphere was great! About 300 people crowding a small park, all having fun in their own way. No fights broke out. No one seemed miserable. We also paid a visit to Fair Erotica, a fair trade for erotic products. It was very interesting. And arousing. We also saw a woman dressed like a horse, complete with all accessories and a man brushing her 'tail' with a brush for horses. It was a very odd but funny sight.

And I've got a job again. I am now a salesperson in the building department of a mall not more than two minutes from where I live. I like it as I don't work full time, but around 30-35 hours/week. Gives me a bit more time to spend as I wish whilst making a decent amount of money. The people that I work with are nice and patient. They don't get angry or scream when I make a mistake. The customers, on the other hand, sometimes do. But you learn to shrug it off. And if all else fails, the guard who works there is a kick-ass girl who told me she'd protect me if a threatening situation should arise. I feel safe. A little emasculated but safe nonetheless.

And I'm happy. Now I can't help but wonder what April will bring with it. Read more on this article...

The hunt

I’m not much for shopping. It’s not something that tickles me in the way that it seems to tickle most women. I don’t experience any sort of sexual pleasure from it. I know nothing of fashion and I quite prefer it that way. Only when it’s absolutely necessary – as in, when I haven’t bought any new clothes for, say, four years – will I even consider going on a shopping trip to town. But today was different. A female associate of mine somehow managed to pressure me into going to town with her to buy new clothes for me. Her reasoning was that I ‘look like a homeless person’. I don’t know about that. I’d like to think my look is avant-garde. Anyway.

Me and Malin are walking in town. She spots an interesting store, utters a short ‘o’-sound and scurries off inside with me walking five feet behind. Malin is walking around, carefully examinating each fabric by letting her soft hands glide over them, like general Maximus gently lets his hands stroke the high grass. I immediately scan my surroundings for the armchair. Where is the armchair? I find the armchair and park myself on it. Fiddle with my phone. Read old messages. Send a new one. Look at the floor. Look at the ceiling. Recite the 30 first numbers of pi over and over and over. Then suddenly Malin is standing before me, proudly showing off a dress she found in the deepest corner of the store and asks ‘What do you think?’. I really don’t know what I think of it. She has a, let’s say ‘interesting’ taste in clothing. I can’t quite decide if it’s high fashion or crap. It is beyond my understanding of fashion; something that just isn’t for me to grasp. ‘Yeah, it’s nice’ I answer. She runs off to the counter to pay for it and then we’re back on the streets.

Malin discovers yet another interesting store, utters a short ‘o’-sound and right there and then it begins anew. The hunt for the armchair. This process goes on to repeat itself five or six times before I decide to call it a day and start heading back home, with considerably less items purchased than Malin. Read more on this article...

Look For The Woman

Ever heard a song that made your blood run cold, and that produced a gnawing, unnerving feeling in the pit of your stomach?

This time last year myself and Crazy went to see Dan le Sac and Scrobius Pip, an English hip-hop act, play Trinity Rooms in Limerick. They were unreal, and cemented themselves as some of my favourite artists ever. During the course of the night I heard a song called 'Look for the Woman', which more melodic than the rest. Reading the lyrics on the web the next day, I felt numb. They could have been written specifically for me. Upon giving the album to my friend Romeo a few weeks later, he had a similar reaction. It vocalised feelings we could barely bear to think about, and only copious amounts of alcohol could make us even talk to each other about them. We both had breakups shortly after.

Despite this, it's an amazing, amazing song, one with a huge impact on my life. The below footage was from a recent gig they preformed in the Roisin Dubh, Galway. I think I managed to get a few more of my friends into them in the interim too. Check them out, regardless or not of whether you like hip-hop. They're worth the risk.

Read more on this article...