Sunday, August 1, 2010

Can anybody find me somebody...?

Once more I'm in thoughts about myself, my identity and the social world around me.

I'm going to tell a little secret: I do have a minor crush on some celebrity (if he's famous enough to be called that).
I should be too old for something like this, too mature. I am not sure what it is about him, he's not some unearthly beauty. I am not even sure if there is a sexual component to it. I like the way he moves (alright, maybe there is something slightly sexual in that). And I really like his style. It's nothing fancy. But when I look around, there don't seem to be a lot of people like that.
I have met him twice now, and he's a very friendly and likeable person. Of course this crush is going nowhere, not only, but also because he's taken.
The point of me telling this? I caught myself thinking: "I wish there was someone like this in my life".

There's those moments when I feel like I'm not the only one of a kind.
When I met Michael, my favourite colleague at my old job, maybe I felt some similarity there, too. He liked Black Books, and he knew who Bright Eyes was. But we never got close, not even as friends.
I've watched a DVD by My Chemical Romance and saw the singer wave around a replica of Sting.

If three guys of that kind exist, there surely must be more?

When I think of someone, a possible friend, I only ever think of guys. Why?
I'm not sure. I just generally prefer the company of men. Though of course the possibility of sexual and romantic tension poses a risk. But maybe also my longing for some sexual and/or romantic relationship mixes in with it. I'm not sure. It's as it is.

I am aware that at my age the chance that a guy I like is already in a relationship is very high. If he is, friendship will be difficult. Even if he's not, I don't think there's much chance of him being interested in me, even less in a non-platonic way.
But I feel so lost and lonely. Just a casual friendship would be an improvement.

If not somebody to love then someone to talk to who understands. Someone who gets my jokes. Someone to go to concerts with.
Just somebody.

This blog post's title is taken from "Somebody to Love" by Queen.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You can't afford to give up. NOTHING TO LOSE MEANS NOTHING BUT GAIN.