I feel drunk but I'm sober, I'm young and I'm underpaid.Alanis Morissette - Hand In My Pocket Read more on this article...
I'm tired but I'm working.
I care but I'm restless, I'm here but I'm really gone.
Showing posts with label Work.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work.. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
What it all comes down to is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
new situation at work
I haven't been feeling happy at work lately.
As you kow, I've only started at this job in September and everything looked alright at first. But in December I felt a little dejected. The work itself is still fun, I like writing specifications and doing mock-ups. But I felt like busywork, not really useful. Plus I felt really disconnected, our team sits scattered over three rooms and doesn't feel like a team at all, the people in my rooms usually don't go to the cafeteria for lunch and the others usually forget to ask me. I don't know, it just didn't feel right.
Now since I felt like writing specifications wouldn't really fill all of my time and since I'm really interested in it, I wanted to see if I could do more work concerning usability and user experience. I think it's really closely related to the work I'm doing anyway and the open position isn't filled yet. A co-worker is doing some work, but I know she's really busy with a lot of things. I just wasn't sure how to start... I didn't know who to tell about the idea and how and what to say and whether it was a good idea at all.
There's a lot of reorganisation going on and some time ago we were told that another departement would be joint with our team. We were also told that there wouldn't be much change for us, team e-commerce experts, but mainly for the others.
Now today we got a mind map from our boss and tomorrow there's a meeting concerning our reorganisation. Much to my surprise, I am transfered to another team, team "requirements management" - as the only one from our current team. ... I really didn't expect that at all.
First of all that will make it more difficult to do more usability-related work because that job will remain withing the other team. Secondly after just a few months in the company I'll have completely different team mates. Since I've not been feeling very connected with my current team mates, I'm thinking that this isn't necessarily - but it's not easy either. I hardly know these people, I've maybe seen them once for a few minutes (and they all know each other). And thirdly I'll have a new boss; well, my current boss will stay as my boss, but I'll have a team leader. I have heard rumours that he's not a very boss, though nothing precise, I am a little worried.
I feel insecure, I feel a little free falling, like there's no one/nothing to hold on to.
Since it quite suddenly got urgent I had a talk with my current boss about my idea of doing more usability-related work. It didn't go very well. I think... I'm not really sure. He disagreed with my worries of not having enough work to fill the day (apparently there's a long list of projects that all need a concept - but in my experience most projects from these long lists will never get done). He didn't want me to change into another position, said they needed me to write these specifications (I didn't mean to imply that I wanted another job). He did however say that he thinks it's a good thing that I give my ideas and my input and that I can work on usabilty stuff for maybe two days a week if I need to clear my head from writing specifications all the time (though it sounded a lot more like "two days" was just something he said at that moment and not actually an approval of spending exactly that time on it).
Unfortunately my boss is a very vague person, he doesn't give you precise input, he never tells me what to do. So now in a way I have an OK, but no starting point, nothing definite.
So tomorrow we'll have the meeting to talk about the changes, together with all the people from the two-became-one departement. I'm really a bit worried, and I don't know what to expect. I just had to get all these things off my chest, that's the reason for this hurried blog post. I hope I can sleep tonight. Read more on this article...
As you kow, I've only started at this job in September and everything looked alright at first. But in December I felt a little dejected. The work itself is still fun, I like writing specifications and doing mock-ups. But I felt like busywork, not really useful. Plus I felt really disconnected, our team sits scattered over three rooms and doesn't feel like a team at all, the people in my rooms usually don't go to the cafeteria for lunch and the others usually forget to ask me. I don't know, it just didn't feel right.
Now since I felt like writing specifications wouldn't really fill all of my time and since I'm really interested in it, I wanted to see if I could do more work concerning usability and user experience. I think it's really closely related to the work I'm doing anyway and the open position isn't filled yet. A co-worker is doing some work, but I know she's really busy with a lot of things. I just wasn't sure how to start... I didn't know who to tell about the idea and how and what to say and whether it was a good idea at all.
There's a lot of reorganisation going on and some time ago we were told that another departement would be joint with our team. We were also told that there wouldn't be much change for us, team e-commerce experts, but mainly for the others.
Now today we got a mind map from our boss and tomorrow there's a meeting concerning our reorganisation. Much to my surprise, I am transfered to another team, team "requirements management" - as the only one from our current team. ... I really didn't expect that at all.
First of all that will make it more difficult to do more usability-related work because that job will remain withing the other team. Secondly after just a few months in the company I'll have completely different team mates. Since I've not been feeling very connected with my current team mates, I'm thinking that this isn't necessarily - but it's not easy either. I hardly know these people, I've maybe seen them once for a few minutes (and they all know each other). And thirdly I'll have a new boss; well, my current boss will stay as my boss, but I'll have a team leader. I have heard rumours that he's not a very boss, though nothing precise, I am a little worried.
I feel insecure, I feel a little free falling, like there's no one/nothing to hold on to.
Since it quite suddenly got urgent I had a talk with my current boss about my idea of doing more usability-related work. It didn't go very well. I think... I'm not really sure. He disagreed with my worries of not having enough work to fill the day (apparently there's a long list of projects that all need a concept - but in my experience most projects from these long lists will never get done). He didn't want me to change into another position, said they needed me to write these specifications (I didn't mean to imply that I wanted another job). He did however say that he thinks it's a good thing that I give my ideas and my input and that I can work on usabilty stuff for maybe two days a week if I need to clear my head from writing specifications all the time (though it sounded a lot more like "two days" was just something he said at that moment and not actually an approval of spending exactly that time on it).
Unfortunately my boss is a very vague person, he doesn't give you precise input, he never tells me what to do. So now in a way I have an OK, but no starting point, nothing definite.
So tomorrow we'll have the meeting to talk about the changes, together with all the people from the two-became-one departement. I'm really a bit worried, and I don't know what to expect. I just had to get all these things off my chest, that's the reason for this hurried blog post. I hope I can sleep tonight. Read more on this article...
Sunday, September 8, 2013
my first week at the new job
The first week at my new job is over. So far I'm not impressed.
Getting up early and getting to the office works out a little better than expected, I guess. Though the first two or three days were tough. I hope I'll get used to it. It's not easy for me, a night owl chronotype, to get to bed before 11 PM (I have to get up at 6 AM).
The problem is that, while they officially have flexi-time, there's a core time starting at 8:30 AM. It's ridiculous, really. The city is ugly, so no-one wants to live there and there are a lot of commuters. But still everyone has to be there at 8:30 AM - which in my opinion is way too early for core time. I could take a faster train and sleep longer, but I'd not quite arrive at 8:30 AM...
Generally, the company does not seem to have high regards for their employees and it's rather old-fashioned. Additionally to the disadvantage for night owls because of the early core time (which is unhealthy), flexi-time is rounded to 5 minutes - always to the disadvantage of the employee. So for example if you arrive at 8:21 AM and leave at 5:32 PM, it will be recorded as 8:25 and 5:30. I see absolutely no reason for this in modern times (your work time is recorded by chips anyway), except to make money. I guess that there'll be a lot of minutes over all the staff that won't be paid
Break time isn't very flexible either. You must take a 15 minutes breakfast break and 45 minutes lunch break. Your work time will automatically be reduced by at least one hour. If you go out for a break and it takes longer than 45 minutes, it will be that break time plus 15 minutes.
Whatever overtime you worked will be lost at each end of the month. So there's no way to keep a "security" amount of overtime for doctor's appointments, like I always used to. Of course the overtime will be deleted without you getting paid for it...
Oh, and even though everything is recorded in SAP, there's no way for you to take a look at what's stored.
Additionally to all those issues, I have not yet been welcomed by human ressources. I'm used to haveing a talk on the first day and have everything explained to me. The HR person responsible for me has been away on Monday and Tuesday, but has not contected me since. I tried to call and had a co-worker tell him I called - no reaction. I had to send an e-mail and ask for a meeting, then I got an appointment next Tuesday, called "your issues" (or subjects or questions, I'm not quite sure how to translate). As if it's a special appointment for me and not something that should be a matter of course!
I also didn't have an introduction meeting with my boss. There's no team leader, so my boss is the departement chief. He's only in the office Tuesday to Thursday and in Berlin on the other days. He met me by chance when he came into the room on Tuesday and seemed to have forgotten about it all. We had a short talk, a few minutes, after a meeting I attended. But that's it.
So I'm pretty much left alone at work. I'm glad I already know two of my co-workers, otherwise I'd feel quite lost. They try to explain things to me the best they can.
Overall I don't feel treated very well.
But, to end this on a positive note, the room is quite nice. I've always only been in open plan offices, so it's quite a change. It's a small room with only three other people. It has windows looking out onto a quiet street, with some trees, but there's never any direct sun.
PS:
One other strange thing: installed on the computer are Lotus Notes, OpenOffice and MS Office. What do you need three different office suits for?! Read more on this article...
Getting up early and getting to the office works out a little better than expected, I guess. Though the first two or three days were tough. I hope I'll get used to it. It's not easy for me, a night owl chronotype, to get to bed before 11 PM (I have to get up at 6 AM).
The problem is that, while they officially have flexi-time, there's a core time starting at 8:30 AM. It's ridiculous, really. The city is ugly, so no-one wants to live there and there are a lot of commuters. But still everyone has to be there at 8:30 AM - which in my opinion is way too early for core time. I could take a faster train and sleep longer, but I'd not quite arrive at 8:30 AM...
Generally, the company does not seem to have high regards for their employees and it's rather old-fashioned. Additionally to the disadvantage for night owls because of the early core time (which is unhealthy), flexi-time is rounded to 5 minutes - always to the disadvantage of the employee. So for example if you arrive at 8:21 AM and leave at 5:32 PM, it will be recorded as 8:25 and 5:30. I see absolutely no reason for this in modern times (your work time is recorded by chips anyway), except to make money. I guess that there'll be a lot of minutes over all the staff that won't be paid
Break time isn't very flexible either. You must take a 15 minutes breakfast break and 45 minutes lunch break. Your work time will automatically be reduced by at least one hour. If you go out for a break and it takes longer than 45 minutes, it will be that break time plus 15 minutes.
Whatever overtime you worked will be lost at each end of the month. So there's no way to keep a "security" amount of overtime for doctor's appointments, like I always used to. Of course the overtime will be deleted without you getting paid for it...
Oh, and even though everything is recorded in SAP, there's no way for you to take a look at what's stored.
Additionally to all those issues, I have not yet been welcomed by human ressources. I'm used to haveing a talk on the first day and have everything explained to me. The HR person responsible for me has been away on Monday and Tuesday, but has not contected me since. I tried to call and had a co-worker tell him I called - no reaction. I had to send an e-mail and ask for a meeting, then I got an appointment next Tuesday, called "your issues" (or subjects or questions, I'm not quite sure how to translate). As if it's a special appointment for me and not something that should be a matter of course!
I also didn't have an introduction meeting with my boss. There's no team leader, so my boss is the departement chief. He's only in the office Tuesday to Thursday and in Berlin on the other days. He met me by chance when he came into the room on Tuesday and seemed to have forgotten about it all. We had a short talk, a few minutes, after a meeting I attended. But that's it.
So I'm pretty much left alone at work. I'm glad I already know two of my co-workers, otherwise I'd feel quite lost. They try to explain things to me the best they can.
Overall I don't feel treated very well.
But, to end this on a positive note, the room is quite nice. I've always only been in open plan offices, so it's quite a change. It's a small room with only three other people. It has windows looking out onto a quiet street, with some trees, but there's never any direct sun.
PS:
One other strange thing: installed on the computer are Lotus Notes, OpenOffice and MS Office. What do you need three different office suits for?! Read more on this article...
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
You say goodbye and I say hello
So today was my last day at work. Well, at this workplace anyway. I'm a bit sorry about the nice people I've met there, but overall I know it was
right to quit. But I don't like saying good-bye, it's so hypocritical
with some. People who you didn't get along with are suddenly very sorry
to see you go and will totally miss you... blah blah blah.
I got 2,5 weeks off now, which feels a bit strange. I think I never had that much time off in a row. But there's lots to do at home and a one week holiday so I won't get bored.
But I already started worrying about the next job. It's not my dream job to begin with, I just wanted to get away from my old job. I originally wanted to change fields, but I didn't manage to.
Now the problem ist that I just got reminded again - they told me before but maybe I repressed thinking about it - that I have to start at 8:30 AM the latest. Not very modern. Hey, ever heard of chronotypes, larks and owls? The problem is: getting there will take me 1 to 1,5 hours. That means I'd have to get up at 6 AM every morning. I'm a owl, by the way. That'll be a serious problem for my health...
So, I guess I have to move after all. I like this city and my flat, but I guess I'll have to look for a different place. Well, it gets very hot here in summer and I have problems with my landlord, so maybe it's not a bad idea.
On the other hand, I didn't mean to stay at this next job for too long, so is it worth moving? Maybe I can move to a place from where I can easily get to the next bigger city.
I didn't even start my new job and I'm already worrying and thinking about how long I'll have to stay there!
I hope I can brush these thoughts away and enjoy my time off.
But on a positive note, I got a nice good-bye present with a British theme containing shortbread, Tyrrell's crisps, a London underground tea towel, a London skyline lantern, a Beatles T-shirt and Mac & Cheese (ok, that one isn't British, but I love Mac & Cheese). Read more on this article...
I got 2,5 weeks off now, which feels a bit strange. I think I never had that much time off in a row. But there's lots to do at home and a one week holiday so I won't get bored.
But I already started worrying about the next job. It's not my dream job to begin with, I just wanted to get away from my old job. I originally wanted to change fields, but I didn't manage to.
Now the problem ist that I just got reminded again - they told me before but maybe I repressed thinking about it - that I have to start at 8:30 AM the latest. Not very modern. Hey, ever heard of chronotypes, larks and owls? The problem is: getting there will take me 1 to 1,5 hours. That means I'd have to get up at 6 AM every morning. I'm a owl, by the way. That'll be a serious problem for my health...
So, I guess I have to move after all. I like this city and my flat, but I guess I'll have to look for a different place. Well, it gets very hot here in summer and I have problems with my landlord, so maybe it's not a bad idea.
On the other hand, I didn't mean to stay at this next job for too long, so is it worth moving? Maybe I can move to a place from where I can easily get to the next bigger city.
I didn't even start my new job and I'm already worrying and thinking about how long I'll have to stay there!
I hope I can brush these thoughts away and enjoy my time off.
But on a positive note, I got a nice good-bye present with a British theme containing shortbread, Tyrrell's crisps, a London underground tea towel, a London skyline lantern, a Beatles T-shirt and Mac & Cheese (ok, that one isn't British, but I love Mac & Cheese). Read more on this article...
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Two out of three ain't bad
Last Monday I quit my job.
From September on I'm going to work at yet another mail order company.
It's not particularly my dream job - it's more a kind of compromise. I had wanted to change my field of work, at least a little bit, and get out of eCommerce. But I didn't want to move, so the choice of jobs was limited. I applied at other companies, but I only got invited to one, and that didn't work out (a shame, it would have been a scientific job). It's really hard to make people see that you can do their work when you've never done it before.
Well, so it's ecommerce again. It seems I kind of became an expert in a field I never even wanted to work in...
I'll have to commute, it's gonna cost a lot more time and money. But I thought I might be able to use that time, maybe catch up on reading books or maybe even surf the internet, check my Twitter or Pinterest (unfortunately mobile internet connection is a little expensive in Germany).
I'll earn a little more, but not as much as I had hoped. I'll also have to work a little more, 40 instead of 37,5 hours per week. So probably, considering the higher costs for commuting, I won't earn more. But money wasn't the main motivation.
I just had to get out of my current job.
I can't deal with my bosses and the atmosphere at work anymore. And who knows? Maybe they wanted me gone. When I told my team leader that I was quitting she wasn't surprised. She said she was sorry - but honestly I didn't think it sounded honest.
So even if this isn't what I had hoped for, I hope it will be a change for the better. The only way to change something about my situation was to change my situation. Read more on this article...
From September on I'm going to work at yet another mail order company.
It's not particularly my dream job - it's more a kind of compromise. I had wanted to change my field of work, at least a little bit, and get out of eCommerce. But I didn't want to move, so the choice of jobs was limited. I applied at other companies, but I only got invited to one, and that didn't work out (a shame, it would have been a scientific job). It's really hard to make people see that you can do their work when you've never done it before.
Well, so it's ecommerce again. It seems I kind of became an expert in a field I never even wanted to work in...
I'll have to commute, it's gonna cost a lot more time and money. But I thought I might be able to use that time, maybe catch up on reading books or maybe even surf the internet, check my Twitter or Pinterest (unfortunately mobile internet connection is a little expensive in Germany).
I'll earn a little more, but not as much as I had hoped. I'll also have to work a little more, 40 instead of 37,5 hours per week. So probably, considering the higher costs for commuting, I won't earn more. But money wasn't the main motivation.
I just had to get out of my current job.
I can't deal with my bosses and the atmosphere at work anymore. And who knows? Maybe they wanted me gone. When I told my team leader that I was quitting she wasn't surprised. She said she was sorry - but honestly I didn't think it sounded honest.
So even if this isn't what I had hoped for, I hope it will be a change for the better. The only way to change something about my situation was to change my situation. Read more on this article...
Thursday, February 14, 2013
No second chance
I'm cold and hungry and exhausted and I just got a refusal e-mail from a job application.
So I feel like shit.
I'm really, really fed up with my current job. It was good at the beginning, but after several reorganisations and especially with new bosses, it's just torture. I dislike my team leader, I feel exploited, our departement leader is absolutely not qualified. My new team mates are an incredibly stupid and confused girl who can do nothing on her own and opportunist who thinks of everything as "funny" but has a bad taste in jokes. My team leader's not qualified for leadership (and doesn't do any), likes to spend a lot of time on making things pretty, but none on testing functionality and is very good at delegating unpleasant duties. I don't fit into this team anymore.
The only thing I see ahead of me for the next year or so is testing the same thing over and over again (for various reasons); stupid, repetetive work. A waste of my qualifications.
Plus I question a few strategic choices of the management - I am not sure this company will last a few years longer.
From these "10 Signs That It's Time To Leave Your Job" at least 7 apply to my situation.
So I really want to leave there. As soon as possible.
But I don't really want to move.
Finding jobs in my field here is difficult.
I applied at fours jobs so far. And got two refusals. They didn't even invite me to an interview.
I really thought I was qualified for that job. I must have done something wrong. Was the covering letter bad? Am I not as qualified as I thought? Did I want too much money (we could have talked about that)?
In job applications there's only one chance and you never get to know what you did wrong, you never get the chance to do it better next time. There is no next time.
It's really wearing me out. I wonder how much longer I can last.
Well, I guess I'll get something to eat now, turn up the heating and watch some anime or read Natsume's Book of Friends or something.
And maybe I'll feel better afterwards and ready for another day at my crappy job. Read more on this article...
So I feel like shit.
I'm really, really fed up with my current job. It was good at the beginning, but after several reorganisations and especially with new bosses, it's just torture. I dislike my team leader, I feel exploited, our departement leader is absolutely not qualified. My new team mates are an incredibly stupid and confused girl who can do nothing on her own and opportunist who thinks of everything as "funny" but has a bad taste in jokes. My team leader's not qualified for leadership (and doesn't do any), likes to spend a lot of time on making things pretty, but none on testing functionality and is very good at delegating unpleasant duties. I don't fit into this team anymore.
The only thing I see ahead of me for the next year or so is testing the same thing over and over again (for various reasons); stupid, repetetive work. A waste of my qualifications.
Plus I question a few strategic choices of the management - I am not sure this company will last a few years longer.
From these "10 Signs That It's Time To Leave Your Job" at least 7 apply to my situation.
So I really want to leave there. As soon as possible.
But I don't really want to move.
Finding jobs in my field here is difficult.
I applied at fours jobs so far. And got two refusals. They didn't even invite me to an interview.
I really thought I was qualified for that job. I must have done something wrong. Was the covering letter bad? Am I not as qualified as I thought? Did I want too much money (we could have talked about that)?
In job applications there's only one chance and you never get to know what you did wrong, you never get the chance to do it better next time. There is no next time.
It's really wearing me out. I wonder how much longer I can last.
Well, I guess I'll get something to eat now, turn up the heating and watch some anime or read Natsume's Book of Friends or something.
And maybe I'll feel better afterwards and ready for another day at my crappy job. Read more on this article...
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Hire & Fire
Lately I'm not happy at work. It's not the work itself, it's everything surrounding it.
Our departement manager sucks, he annoys everyone with his ignorance and stupidity, and he has hired a girl for my team leader who's not qualified for the job. She's not a team player herself, so she knows nothing about how to lead a team and is doing an awful job at it.
Our company has problems and fired some people, among them some in our departement and in my team. And now another team mate has quit (not surprisingly, she didn't get along with our team leader either). Which leaves our team down from 5 to 2 - my team leader and me.
I work in a mail order company and for some reason there's a rather hostile attitude towards eCommerce (where I work). It results in bad cooperation and last week comparatively many people from our departement were fired, which makes no sense considering the development away from the catalogue towards the internet. It doesn't give one the feeling that this company fit for the future, and the mail order business in Germany is in a tough spot anyway, with two big players already down.
My mum keeps telling me that I should look for another job. But I wasn't sure. I like the work I'm doing and there's some benefits to working in this company, like a 37,5 hrs working week.
But if it's annoying me too much and making me unhappy, should I not leave?
I don't know where to go though. I'd be fine with getting out of eCommerce, I never wanted to work in this area anyway, it just kind of happened. But I like the flat I'm living in, I like the city, it's close to my hometown; I really don't want to move again. And since there are hardly any jobs for me in this city, the alternative would be commuting.
I guess I should start updating my LinkedIn profile...
And another thing I'm worrying about: what if the next place isn't any better? I thought this place was better than the last, and though I like the tasks better, the working environment got worse and worse. How can I know it's not the same at the next job?
I wonder whether I'll find a job that I'll like, even after years, a place where I can stay. Or will I have to change jobs every 2 or 3 years? I don't think I'd like to live that way. Read more on this article...
Our departement manager sucks, he annoys everyone with his ignorance and stupidity, and he has hired a girl for my team leader who's not qualified for the job. She's not a team player herself, so she knows nothing about how to lead a team and is doing an awful job at it.
Our company has problems and fired some people, among them some in our departement and in my team. And now another team mate has quit (not surprisingly, she didn't get along with our team leader either). Which leaves our team down from 5 to 2 - my team leader and me.
I work in a mail order company and for some reason there's a rather hostile attitude towards eCommerce (where I work). It results in bad cooperation and last week comparatively many people from our departement were fired, which makes no sense considering the development away from the catalogue towards the internet. It doesn't give one the feeling that this company fit for the future, and the mail order business in Germany is in a tough spot anyway, with two big players already down.
My mum keeps telling me that I should look for another job. But I wasn't sure. I like the work I'm doing and there's some benefits to working in this company, like a 37,5 hrs working week.
But if it's annoying me too much and making me unhappy, should I not leave?
I don't know where to go though. I'd be fine with getting out of eCommerce, I never wanted to work in this area anyway, it just kind of happened. But I like the flat I'm living in, I like the city, it's close to my hometown; I really don't want to move again. And since there are hardly any jobs for me in this city, the alternative would be commuting.
I guess I should start updating my LinkedIn profile...
And another thing I'm worrying about: what if the next place isn't any better? I thought this place was better than the last, and though I like the tasks better, the working environment got worse and worse. How can I know it's not the same at the next job?
I wonder whether I'll find a job that I'll like, even after years, a place where I can stay. Or will I have to change jobs every 2 or 3 years? I don't think I'd like to live that way. Read more on this article...
Monday, May 21, 2012
Bedenkenträger
Work has been quite depressing today.
The issue was that we're supposed to implement something that will send all customer data (name, adress, birthdate, email-adress) to another company, without asking the customer or even informing them about it.
I don't think it's legal. Actually I think it's pretty obvious that it can't be legal.
Still, when I protested on Friday, I've been told that it's already been decided.
A co-worker who wasn't there on Friday got the news today and also protested. She agrees with me that it can't be legal.
The answer of our team leader: she (our team leader) is no legal practitioner, so she can't judge whether it's legal or not. Besides, as long as there's no customer complaints...
Also our devision manager already decided that it's gonna be done. The legal departement is being consulted and when they raise objections we'll just take it out again. By the way, there's rumours that he's friends with the boss of the other company...
I might be naive, but I really have a hard time accepting this. There's two things that are annoying me most about this.
First of all, the attitude that I think I feel, especially in my team leader. Like it's stupid of me and others to be concerned about this. That legal concerns are useless and only an obstacle. That not wanting to break the law is stupid in our field of work.
And secondly I'm annoyed at myself that I care. I mean, it's not gonna change anything. It just ruins my mood.
I really wish I could care less.
"Bedenkenträger" is a German word for someone who always raises concerns/objections. Read more on this article...
The issue was that we're supposed to implement something that will send all customer data (name, adress, birthdate, email-adress) to another company, without asking the customer or even informing them about it.
I don't think it's legal. Actually I think it's pretty obvious that it can't be legal.
Still, when I protested on Friday, I've been told that it's already been decided.
A co-worker who wasn't there on Friday got the news today and also protested. She agrees with me that it can't be legal.
The answer of our team leader: she (our team leader) is no legal practitioner, so she can't judge whether it's legal or not. Besides, as long as there's no customer complaints...
Also our devision manager already decided that it's gonna be done. The legal departement is being consulted and when they raise objections we'll just take it out again. By the way, there's rumours that he's friends with the boss of the other company...
I might be naive, but I really have a hard time accepting this. There's two things that are annoying me most about this.
First of all, the attitude that I think I feel, especially in my team leader. Like it's stupid of me and others to be concerned about this. That legal concerns are useless and only an obstacle. That not wanting to break the law is stupid in our field of work.
And secondly I'm annoyed at myself that I care. I mean, it's not gonna change anything. It just ruins my mood.
I really wish I could care less.
"Bedenkenträger" is a German word for someone who always raises concerns/objections. Read more on this article...
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
My day at work
Well, I promised to write more about my life, so here I go.
Today was quite a nice, diversified, busy, but not too stressful, day at work, so I decided to tell what I've been doing. I work in website management, we take care of a webshop that exists in several European countries.
My alarm clock rings at 7 AM, but I stay in bed a little longer. I take the bus at about 8:15 AM, it takes 15 minutes and additionally I have to walk a bit to get to work.
Today the bus took a little longer, so I arrived at 8:40 AM. I have a digital time card, so I can check later on in the intranet the time at which I arrived. It also keeps track of how many hours I worked and it's a kind of prepaid card for the canteen, too.
While my computer boots, I make myself some tea. I don't like coffee, so for caffeine I drink guarana tea. I get some fruit salad from the canteen as a second breakfast, check Google news and chat with colleagues. I also check our company Facebook and Twitter page - I'm not responsible for that, but I like to keep up with what's happening on there. I also check my mails, the intranet and sign in to my personal Twitter account.
The rest of the morning is spend with testing. We go live with changes to our webshop once a week, so there's a tight testing schedule.
Today I first had to test some bugfixes to the product recommendations in the webshop. You know product recommendations from amazon: "customers who bought this item, also bought..." - the like. We make quite some money with those, so we recently upgraded to a newer system. I was project manager for that project and we're still in the "aftermath".
That didn't take too long, but then I had to test an adress validation tool which we implemented in two forms in our Swiss shop. It checks for errors in the adress a customer typed into the form and gives feedback and suggestions for correction. Our Swiss shop is available in German and French, and I had to test all kinds of errors a customer could do, and in several browers, too, so testing took more than two hours.
At noon we all go for lunch together in the canteen. This time the food wasn't too good though.
After that we go for a walk "around the block". It's a habit I took on at this workplace. I sit at the computer all day, so the walk really is a nice change. And healthy.
Back at my desk I checked my mails again and answered a few. We want to have product recommendations in our newsletter, too, and I'm helping with organising the hosting. Actually I feel like I'm just forwarding mails and questions, but oh well... They absolutely wanted my help because I arranged the hosting for our webshop recommendations, too. It's not like I know anything about servers and hosting.
I also take the time to check some professional eCommerce blogs. It takes up some time, but it gives me an overview about what's going on in my field of work and sometimes there's valuable information or a good idea in it, too.
At 2 PM I had a meeting with a colleague who works on another webshop in Switzerland (we belong to the same company, I have no idea why we have two different webshops in Switzerland...). This was again about product recommendations - as you might have guessed, I'm the "recommendation expert" in our company. They don't have any recommendations at all in their shop, so I explained the system, helped her plan the next steps and told her what decisions she has to make.
After that I had some free time again, checking my mails again, the usual. I also put a note down about the aforementioned hosting in a project status report. Those status reports were installed by a former boss of mine - I don't think anyone else is doing this anymore, but I think it's a good idea. Then I got hungry, but the canteen was closed early because there was a presentation about how to prevent burn-out. So I had to get something from the vending machine.
At 3:30 PM I had another meeting. This time it's about coupons. We use coupons in an Advent calendar each year. Now the team leader responsible for this feature is supposed to do the controlling (planning how much it will cost us, checking the status, etc). I made an Excel file to keep track of the numbers (planned and actual) for each coupon, each country, keep track of changes, etc. some time ago. I explained to him how the sheet works and the meeting was a lot shorter than originally planned. That's because my Excel file is awesome, of course.
Since I had it opened anyway, I added sheets for the next two seasons. We have two seasons per year: spring/summer and fall/winter. The planning now already starts for spring 2013 (and the deadline for plan figures was today).
After that I finally had some time to work on the concept for a "My Shop" section we want to implement - again product recommendations. The concept contains what I plan the new section to look like, design and technical specifications. I'm almost done, but not quite. I had to look up some things in the manual, test stuff, etc.
When I'm finished, I'll talk it through with my team leader, I guess. Then I'll give it to the design and texting team, so they can come up with an actual layout and text. The texts need to be translated into French and Dutch, too. Also the programmers take a look at the requirements, so they can tell me whether it's actually doable and how long it'll take.
At 5 PM I leave work.
Today I got off the bus two stops earlier because I wanted to do some shopping at Lidl. The weather was nice, so I walked home from there. Read more on this article...
Today was quite a nice, diversified, busy, but not too stressful, day at work, so I decided to tell what I've been doing. I work in website management, we take care of a webshop that exists in several European countries.
My alarm clock rings at 7 AM, but I stay in bed a little longer. I take the bus at about 8:15 AM, it takes 15 minutes and additionally I have to walk a bit to get to work.
Today the bus took a little longer, so I arrived at 8:40 AM. I have a digital time card, so I can check later on in the intranet the time at which I arrived. It also keeps track of how many hours I worked and it's a kind of prepaid card for the canteen, too.
While my computer boots, I make myself some tea. I don't like coffee, so for caffeine I drink guarana tea. I get some fruit salad from the canteen as a second breakfast, check Google news and chat with colleagues. I also check our company Facebook and Twitter page - I'm not responsible for that, but I like to keep up with what's happening on there. I also check my mails, the intranet and sign in to my personal Twitter account.
The rest of the morning is spend with testing. We go live with changes to our webshop once a week, so there's a tight testing schedule.
Today I first had to test some bugfixes to the product recommendations in the webshop. You know product recommendations from amazon: "customers who bought this item, also bought..." - the like. We make quite some money with those, so we recently upgraded to a newer system. I was project manager for that project and we're still in the "aftermath".
That didn't take too long, but then I had to test an adress validation tool which we implemented in two forms in our Swiss shop. It checks for errors in the adress a customer typed into the form and gives feedback and suggestions for correction. Our Swiss shop is available in German and French, and I had to test all kinds of errors a customer could do, and in several browers, too, so testing took more than two hours.
At noon we all go for lunch together in the canteen. This time the food wasn't too good though.
After that we go for a walk "around the block". It's a habit I took on at this workplace. I sit at the computer all day, so the walk really is a nice change. And healthy.
Back at my desk I checked my mails again and answered a few. We want to have product recommendations in our newsletter, too, and I'm helping with organising the hosting. Actually I feel like I'm just forwarding mails and questions, but oh well... They absolutely wanted my help because I arranged the hosting for our webshop recommendations, too. It's not like I know anything about servers and hosting.
I also take the time to check some professional eCommerce blogs. It takes up some time, but it gives me an overview about what's going on in my field of work and sometimes there's valuable information or a good idea in it, too.
At 2 PM I had a meeting with a colleague who works on another webshop in Switzerland (we belong to the same company, I have no idea why we have two different webshops in Switzerland...). This was again about product recommendations - as you might have guessed, I'm the "recommendation expert" in our company. They don't have any recommendations at all in their shop, so I explained the system, helped her plan the next steps and told her what decisions she has to make.
After that I had some free time again, checking my mails again, the usual. I also put a note down about the aforementioned hosting in a project status report. Those status reports were installed by a former boss of mine - I don't think anyone else is doing this anymore, but I think it's a good idea. Then I got hungry, but the canteen was closed early because there was a presentation about how to prevent burn-out. So I had to get something from the vending machine.
At 3:30 PM I had another meeting. This time it's about coupons. We use coupons in an Advent calendar each year. Now the team leader responsible for this feature is supposed to do the controlling (planning how much it will cost us, checking the status, etc). I made an Excel file to keep track of the numbers (planned and actual) for each coupon, each country, keep track of changes, etc. some time ago. I explained to him how the sheet works and the meeting was a lot shorter than originally planned. That's because my Excel file is awesome, of course.
Since I had it opened anyway, I added sheets for the next two seasons. We have two seasons per year: spring/summer and fall/winter. The planning now already starts for spring 2013 (and the deadline for plan figures was today).
After that I finally had some time to work on the concept for a "My Shop" section we want to implement - again product recommendations. The concept contains what I plan the new section to look like, design and technical specifications. I'm almost done, but not quite. I had to look up some things in the manual, test stuff, etc.
When I'm finished, I'll talk it through with my team leader, I guess. Then I'll give it to the design and texting team, so they can come up with an actual layout and text. The texts need to be translated into French and Dutch, too. Also the programmers take a look at the requirements, so they can tell me whether it's actually doable and how long it'll take.
At 5 PM I leave work.
Today I got off the bus two stops earlier because I wanted to do some shopping at Lidl. The weather was nice, so I walked home from there. Read more on this article...
Sunday, March 28, 2010
How can we sleep while our beds are burning?
The situation at work is really bad at the moment. Two colleagues were ill last week. The errors just kept coming and getting worse. It was like as soon as you managed to somewhat deal with one thing, another thing came up.
We were doing fixes of live errors on the website nearly every day. Last Wednesday colleagues stayed until late at night to work, one past midnight.
We are a rather small team and lost a lot of members and with them knowledge in the past months. We are overworked and there is neither the will nor the time to document things. So maybe one colleague knows how to do something, but if he's not there no one does. None of us has a good general overview of the systems.
We have no successor for the colleague who quit recently, neither for me who'll be leaving in May.
We can hardly manage the everyday maintenance business for the two webshops and the small change requests. At the same time at least three projects are already running, more are in the waiting line.
And then they want to open two new shops, one this year within one website, the other one in January next year on a completely different system. It feels like a bad joke.
We are badly over worked. We have been nearly constantly doing overtime for months now.
And it all just seems to get worse. And when you thought it's already worst, it gets still worse. It feels like Kobayashi Maru. There seems no way out.
People are getting sick from the stress.
Still our department gets the blame for all the things that go wrong.
It is not our fault. We are working hard (and for not much pay). We are doing our best.
The company has no way to deal with the fluctuation of employees, no culture of knowledge management and it was a strategic decision to increase the manpower in e-commerce for project management and conceptional design, but not in the IT for actually coding these things.
The colleagues in e-commerce can see that. Some at least. One put it like this: we are wondering what new wallpaper to put up while the house is burning.
It can't go on like that.
We wonder whether no one else sees that. Where are our team leaders, our management? Can't they see?
We have told them. We got a little louder last Friday. Something has to change! Soon.
They say they can't find suitable successors. They say the team can't take more external consoultants. They say they can't (or don't want to) cancel projects.
We are standing in front of a boiler that is about to burst, we desperately need to reduce pressure. But what are we doing? Standing there and going "well, we can't do this, we can't do that, and we can't do this one either and there's nothing else we could do". But we need to do something or else there's going to be an explosion.
If I wouldn't have already quit, I would now.
I'm waiting to see what will happen next week. Will something be decided? Will something change?
If not we'll have to think about what to do. I know I am leaving this team soon, but at the moment I am still part of it. Maybe we will have to ask the workers' council for help. Read more on this article...
We were doing fixes of live errors on the website nearly every day. Last Wednesday colleagues stayed until late at night to work, one past midnight.
We are a rather small team and lost a lot of members and with them knowledge in the past months. We are overworked and there is neither the will nor the time to document things. So maybe one colleague knows how to do something, but if he's not there no one does. None of us has a good general overview of the systems.
We have no successor for the colleague who quit recently, neither for me who'll be leaving in May.
We can hardly manage the everyday maintenance business for the two webshops and the small change requests. At the same time at least three projects are already running, more are in the waiting line.
And then they want to open two new shops, one this year within one website, the other one in January next year on a completely different system. It feels like a bad joke.
We are badly over worked. We have been nearly constantly doing overtime for months now.
And it all just seems to get worse. And when you thought it's already worst, it gets still worse. It feels like Kobayashi Maru. There seems no way out.
People are getting sick from the stress.
Still our department gets the blame for all the things that go wrong.
It is not our fault. We are working hard (and for not much pay). We are doing our best.
The company has no way to deal with the fluctuation of employees, no culture of knowledge management and it was a strategic decision to increase the manpower in e-commerce for project management and conceptional design, but not in the IT for actually coding these things.
The colleagues in e-commerce can see that. Some at least. One put it like this: we are wondering what new wallpaper to put up while the house is burning.
It can't go on like that.
We wonder whether no one else sees that. Where are our team leaders, our management? Can't they see?
We have told them. We got a little louder last Friday. Something has to change! Soon.
They say they can't find suitable successors. They say the team can't take more external consoultants. They say they can't (or don't want to) cancel projects.
We are standing in front of a boiler that is about to burst, we desperately need to reduce pressure. But what are we doing? Standing there and going "well, we can't do this, we can't do that, and we can't do this one either and there's nothing else we could do". But we need to do something or else there's going to be an explosion.
If I wouldn't have already quit, I would now.
I'm waiting to see what will happen next week. Will something be decided? Will something change?
If not we'll have to think about what to do. I know I am leaving this team soon, but at the moment I am still part of it. Maybe we will have to ask the workers' council for help. Read more on this article...
Sunday, February 28, 2010
"I quit."
Monday I did nothing yet. I was terribly nervous about what I had to do. It was worse than the actual job interview. I had my yoga course in the evening, that calmed me down a bit.
On the next day the first thing I did was drop the contract for the new job in the mail.
At work I broke the news to my team leader. That was hardest.
It's hard for our team to lose another one, I know that. In the past two years while I was working there, one after the other quit (for various reasons), each time it was connected with a loss of knowledge that made work harder for the remaining. Next month the only one left from the original team will go. We still have no one to fill in for him. And now me. I feel sorry for my colleagues, but I can't stay just because of that.
After talking to my team leader we went straight to the department manager. In the afternoon we broke the news to my team.
After that I met with my favourite colleague in the canteen and had a hot chocolate to relax a bit. It was good talking to him, though he knew about it since Monday. He always manages to calm me down and make me feel better, he helped me a lot through this. I'll miss him.
It felt surreal. I have been through this several times, but it was always other people quitting. This time it was me.
And even though I know I have another job waiting for me, it feels awkward.
On Wednesday morning I finally got to talk with the IT division manager and from that on it was official. My team leader wrote a mail to everyone in IT.
The written notice took a little longer though. I talked with the workers council to make sure I did everything right. They pointed out that things might be different because it might be a tranfer within the corporation. So there was another delay because I first had a talk with the HR department. Turned out that everything had to go its normal way, so I left the letter I had written before there.
The talks got easier and easier every time. Who would have thought that quitting your job included so much talking? I didn't have so many meetings within one week for months.
The only thing left to do in February was to cancel the tenancy. The problem is that I couldn't find my rental agreement. I went through all papers lying around (something that needed to be done badly), but no luck. In the end I just wrote a short letter, I guess it'll be alright.
I have to find the contract in the next months though, to make sure everything is alright when I hand over the keys.
Now I can relax a bit, all that had to be done within February to be able to start in the new job in June is done.
Now I have time to plan and organize. I got a notebook that I will divide into two parts: one for my old place, one for the new. There I'll note what needs to be done, who sends me post here, how much space my furniture needs, etc. Read more on this article...
On the next day the first thing I did was drop the contract for the new job in the mail.
At work I broke the news to my team leader. That was hardest.
It's hard for our team to lose another one, I know that. In the past two years while I was working there, one after the other quit (for various reasons), each time it was connected with a loss of knowledge that made work harder for the remaining. Next month the only one left from the original team will go. We still have no one to fill in for him. And now me. I feel sorry for my colleagues, but I can't stay just because of that.
After talking to my team leader we went straight to the department manager. In the afternoon we broke the news to my team.
After that I met with my favourite colleague in the canteen and had a hot chocolate to relax a bit. It was good talking to him, though he knew about it since Monday. He always manages to calm me down and make me feel better, he helped me a lot through this. I'll miss him.
It felt surreal. I have been through this several times, but it was always other people quitting. This time it was me.
And even though I know I have another job waiting for me, it feels awkward.
On Wednesday morning I finally got to talk with the IT division manager and from that on it was official. My team leader wrote a mail to everyone in IT.
The written notice took a little longer though. I talked with the workers council to make sure I did everything right. They pointed out that things might be different because it might be a tranfer within the corporation. So there was another delay because I first had a talk with the HR department. Turned out that everything had to go its normal way, so I left the letter I had written before there.
The talks got easier and easier every time. Who would have thought that quitting your job included so much talking? I didn't have so many meetings within one week for months.
The only thing left to do in February was to cancel the tenancy. The problem is that I couldn't find my rental agreement. I went through all papers lying around (something that needed to be done badly), but no luck. In the end I just wrote a short letter, I guess it'll be alright.
I have to find the contract in the next months though, to make sure everything is alright when I hand over the keys.
Now I can relax a bit, all that had to be done within February to be able to start in the new job in June is done.
Now I have time to plan and organize. I got a notebook that I will divide into two parts: one for my old place, one for the new. There I'll note what needs to be done, who sends me post here, how much space my furniture needs, etc. Read more on this article...
Sunday, February 21, 2010
A new hope
There will be a change, a new start.
On Friday I had a second job interview, they offered me the job. I took the contract home with me to read it, sign it and send it back.
It all went very fast and very good. "Too good to be true", a little suspicious voice inside me thinks.
Actually when I decided to start applying I planned to go abroad. I thought it was a good time, I have some work experience, no partner, no pets and I feel lonely and out of place where I live now anyway. I wanted to go to Ireland or UK.
A search didn't turn up a lot of suitable jobs though, it seemed that mostly companies seemed to look for more work experience.
Instead I found this company (belonging to the same corporation at the one I work for now) looking for a usability expert. I am none, but I 'd like to be, so I applied. Now they hired me for another job, process manager. A smaller step maybe, but non the less a step. A step away from programming and coding, towards more project management and conceptual work.
People seem to be really nice there. Apparently they liked my somewhat "freakish" personality.
This is my first time changing jobs. It's the first time quitting a job. It's the first time completely moving from one place to another.
The doubts and the worries are now kicking in.
What do I do next? When and how do I quit my job? How do I tell my team leader that he'll lose another employee when another one who'll quit isn't even replaced yet? Until when do I have to terminate the rental contract? How do I find a new place to live? How do I move? Do I have to renovate my old flat? How much will it all cost? Where to do I have to send notices of me moving? How will work feel after everyone knows I resigned from my job? How will the new job be? Will I be able to make friends? Will the work be good and interesting and will I be able to handle it all?
All these questions and more go through my head. I'm trying to calm down and think in little steps. What has to be done next? Read more on this article...
On Friday I had a second job interview, they offered me the job. I took the contract home with me to read it, sign it and send it back.
It all went very fast and very good. "Too good to be true", a little suspicious voice inside me thinks.
Actually when I decided to start applying I planned to go abroad. I thought it was a good time, I have some work experience, no partner, no pets and I feel lonely and out of place where I live now anyway. I wanted to go to Ireland or UK.
A search didn't turn up a lot of suitable jobs though, it seemed that mostly companies seemed to look for more work experience.
Instead I found this company (belonging to the same corporation at the one I work for now) looking for a usability expert. I am none, but I 'd like to be, so I applied. Now they hired me for another job, process manager. A smaller step maybe, but non the less a step. A step away from programming and coding, towards more project management and conceptual work.
People seem to be really nice there. Apparently they liked my somewhat "freakish" personality.
This is my first time changing jobs. It's the first time quitting a job. It's the first time completely moving from one place to another.
The doubts and the worries are now kicking in.
What do I do next? When and how do I quit my job? How do I tell my team leader that he'll lose another employee when another one who'll quit isn't even replaced yet? Until when do I have to terminate the rental contract? How do I find a new place to live? How do I move? Do I have to renovate my old flat? How much will it all cost? Where to do I have to send notices of me moving? How will work feel after everyone knows I resigned from my job? How will the new job be? Will I be able to make friends? Will the work be good and interesting and will I be able to handle it all?
All these questions and more go through my head. I'm trying to calm down and think in little steps. What has to be done next? Read more on this article...
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
The grass on the other side
Work is tough recently. I'm accumulating overtime for weeks, for months now. There is always too much to do, and a project that's already weeks too late.
I have trouble getting up in the morning. I lack motivation. I am just tired. I can see no end. After work I'm tired, can hardly think straight (writing this blog entry isn't easy - I hope you excuse some faults that may have crept in), often I'm even too exhausted to talk with my mum on the phone. My holiday at the end of August seems so long away. And even thinking of of my holiday gives me stress, because I have nothing organized or planned yet. Weekends aren't relaxing because I have to do the housework that piled up during the week. I feel like heading towards a breakdown.
In short: it's no fun anymore.
I wonder why it's me having such trouble. Is it only me? Am I working more than others? Do I need more time because I'm less effective/good? Is my work-life balance off because I have no life? Do I simply have less energy, and if so then why?
I thought maybe I could do more, be more determined and committed if I was doing something I want to do. Coding never was something I wanted to do. I am not a programmer.
We had this workshop this week, with the e-commerce departement. Two other people who have studied the same as me, computer science in media, are working in that departement. Every one of us explained what we are doing. And sometimes I thought "well, that sounds really interesting, I'd like to do that".
The e-commerce departement is still looking for an information architect/usability specialist. I already was interested in the job during the internal advertisement. Now I'm again thinking about applying. There are several pros and cons of course.
Do I have the time, energy and motivation to really manage a good application? What if they decline, wouldn't that be embarrassing, wouldn't it affect my working environment badly? I am interested in the subject matter and it's what I'd like to do, but I have neither expert knowledge nor experience in that field. I do know our webshops very well though, after all I helped launching one of them. I like the team I'm working in right now, and I'm afraid the working environment in the other departement isn't quite as nice (for example I heard taking days off on overtime is hardly possible). I'd have a bad conscious leaving my team because I know how hard it is to find the right people and how much work lies on too few people. And actually I didn't want to stay too long in this dislikable city where I have no friends. I wanted to go abroad as long as I am (somewhat) young and have no ties here. But I have a quite safe job, in a mid-sized company that's part of a huge international corporate group.
So I'm afraid, regardless of how tired and exhausted as I am, I'll have to make a career decision soon.
Stay in a job with nice colleagues in a nice team, but do something I never really wanted to do long-term, and risking too become too specialized by staying too long. Or move on. And if I'm moving on, where to? Stay in the same city, the same company while trying to move into a field of work that I hopefully feel more comfortable in. Or look for a job within the corporate group? Or maybe try to get something abroad.
And while these thoughts are surely important now and will affect my future life greatly: they just add to the all the stress.
I just hope I somehow find the energy and the will to make it through.
"Inside my heart is breaking, my make-up may be flaking, but my smile still stays on." Read more on this article...
I have trouble getting up in the morning. I lack motivation. I am just tired. I can see no end. After work I'm tired, can hardly think straight (writing this blog entry isn't easy - I hope you excuse some faults that may have crept in), often I'm even too exhausted to talk with my mum on the phone. My holiday at the end of August seems so long away. And even thinking of of my holiday gives me stress, because I have nothing organized or planned yet. Weekends aren't relaxing because I have to do the housework that piled up during the week. I feel like heading towards a breakdown.
In short: it's no fun anymore.
I wonder why it's me having such trouble. Is it only me? Am I working more than others? Do I need more time because I'm less effective/good? Is my work-life balance off because I have no life? Do I simply have less energy, and if so then why?
I thought maybe I could do more, be more determined and committed if I was doing something I want to do. Coding never was something I wanted to do. I am not a programmer.
We had this workshop this week, with the e-commerce departement. Two other people who have studied the same as me, computer science in media, are working in that departement. Every one of us explained what we are doing. And sometimes I thought "well, that sounds really interesting, I'd like to do that".
The e-commerce departement is still looking for an information architect/usability specialist. I already was interested in the job during the internal advertisement. Now I'm again thinking about applying. There are several pros and cons of course.
Do I have the time, energy and motivation to really manage a good application? What if they decline, wouldn't that be embarrassing, wouldn't it affect my working environment badly? I am interested in the subject matter and it's what I'd like to do, but I have neither expert knowledge nor experience in that field. I do know our webshops very well though, after all I helped launching one of them. I like the team I'm working in right now, and I'm afraid the working environment in the other departement isn't quite as nice (for example I heard taking days off on overtime is hardly possible). I'd have a bad conscious leaving my team because I know how hard it is to find the right people and how much work lies on too few people. And actually I didn't want to stay too long in this dislikable city where I have no friends. I wanted to go abroad as long as I am (somewhat) young and have no ties here. But I have a quite safe job, in a mid-sized company that's part of a huge international corporate group.
So I'm afraid, regardless of how tired and exhausted as I am, I'll have to make a career decision soon.
Stay in a job with nice colleagues in a nice team, but do something I never really wanted to do long-term, and risking too become too specialized by staying too long. Or move on. And if I'm moving on, where to? Stay in the same city, the same company while trying to move into a field of work that I hopefully feel more comfortable in. Or look for a job within the corporate group? Or maybe try to get something abroad.
And while these thoughts are surely important now and will affect my future life greatly: they just add to the all the stress.
I just hope I somehow find the energy and the will to make it through.
"Inside my heart is breaking, my make-up may be flaking, but my smile still stays on." Read more on this article...
Sunday, May 10, 2009
I love her.
She comes in once a week. The time in which she rolls in on her wheelchair is never the same, but it’s always a Thursday. Her warm presence separates her from every other customer. She is always smiling. She is always full of life. And I admire her for that.
I know her shopping list like the back of my hand by now. I know she always buys two packs of milk, pastrami, bread of the week, dried fruit, a tv-guide and a couple oranges or apples. Sometimes she even likes to treat herself to a moist cake for 19,90 kronors. But only when she can get her hands on a newly baked one. “I settle only for the best” she says with a heart-warming smile. We exchange a couple frases and pleasantries every time. Sometimes we even chat for a minute or two if there’s no one else in line. I’ve come to look forward to those simple meetings. How she always lifts my spirit; how she does it with such ease.
And I love her. Read more on this article...
I know her shopping list like the back of my hand by now. I know she always buys two packs of milk, pastrami, bread of the week, dried fruit, a tv-guide and a couple oranges or apples. Sometimes she even likes to treat herself to a moist cake for 19,90 kronors. But only when she can get her hands on a newly baked one. “I settle only for the best” she says with a heart-warming smile. We exchange a couple frases and pleasantries every time. Sometimes we even chat for a minute or two if there’s no one else in line. I’ve come to look forward to those simple meetings. How she always lifts my spirit; how she does it with such ease.
And I love her. Read more on this article...
Monday, December 15, 2008
A perch. On the bridge.
At work. I am assigned the task to, using a forklift I've never operated before, bring a huge load of bottles to our working station. With nervous feet I approach the forklift and get on it. I stare at all the various buttons and levers with a look of sheer confusion. After three minutes I finally figure out how to turn it on and I do so. I slowly but gently get it rolling in the direction I'm supposed to head towards. As I roll down the enormous labyrinth that is Coca Cola AB I start to get the hang of it; I start to become more confident and thus giving me the courage to step on the gas a bit more. I start to feel really good. 'This is easy', I think to myself. Then I arrive at my destination. I pull one of the levers towards me and pick up my cargo. And then it happens. The thing I've been fearing for several days finally happens. Coca Cola's own Schumacher comes blazing past me and yells at me not to get in his way and that I'm slowing him down. He is very upset. In panic I try to move my forklift out of his way, granting him passage to move through. After a while I succeed and off he goes, with an annoyed look on his face, muttering 'damn trainees'.
Silence falls. I am completely still, not moving an inch from where I am sitting down. I look down on the ground in shame. And then I suddenly get angry. I never meant for this to happen. I just wanted to get my load. 'Ass-face', I scream. A completely meaningless fit of rage. Like the perch's last jerk on the bridge. Read more on this article...
Silence falls. I am completely still, not moving an inch from where I am sitting down. I look down on the ground in shame. And then I suddenly get angry. I never meant for this to happen. I just wanted to get my load. 'Ass-face', I scream. A completely meaningless fit of rage. Like the perch's last jerk on the bridge. Read more on this article...
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